I recently came across a blog post of this nature. Most of her points were right on. I thought I'd do my own version :)
1. "God has a bigger/better plan." (while this may be true, it's not comforting...at all.)
2. "At least you know you can get pregnant." (really? What will you say if I can't get pregnant again? What if this is just the beginning of many fertility problems?
3. "At least it was this early and not farther along." (oh, because if my baby had lived longer it would mean more to you? 14.5 weeks is long enough to love, plan for, and know my baby.)
4. "everything happens for a reason" (PLEASE, tell me why my baby was taken from me?)
5. "Don't you think it's time to move on?" (first of all, who are you to tell ME when to move on? Second, grief is a process, it's a cycle, not a set-in-stone time limit.)
6. "it could always be worse." (While this true, and I am fully aware, the worst thing in my life right now is the loss of my first child."
7. My all time favorite, "It will all be ok." (ok....thanks for that novel advice. My child just died, it's ok though, really....)
I could go on. Before you give a grieving mama some "advice", don't. Just tell her you love her, you're thinking of her, or you're praying for her. But don't just say it and forget it, remember to pray for her.
Anyone who would EVER use #4 to "comfort" anyone for any reason should simply be shot on sight.
ReplyDeleteSadly enough, I've heard it multiple times so far...idiots.
ReplyDeleteLet's add "Are you okay?" to the list. I said that to a friend when she told me her father had died a week after the fact, then I immediately hugged her told her "of course your not" and apologize profusely. It still haunts me what a dumbass I was, and I would never want to hurt anyone in that much pain like that again.
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