No one really talks much about PPD because it's seen as a shameful disease. But it's natural. It isn't a weakness or a character flaw. When you give birth you are flooded with new hormones and drained of others so quickly that your body doesn't know how to respond. Some respond well and others not so well. The American Psychiatric Association currently estimates that about 10% of women experience at least mild postpartum depression when a pregnancy ends.
Most women experience some degree of baby blues (sadness, anxiety, emotional breakdowns) and that usually fades by the 2nd week postpartum. But when the depression sticks around don't feel ashamed to talk to your doctor about it!
Ppd is much more severe than baby blues. Things like anxiety, depression, exhaustion, disinterest in baby, extreme mood changes, excessive crying, insomnia, loss of appetite, and more are symptoms of ppd.
I am currently battling from postpartum depression and I am not ashamed. Well, I ashamed, but I'm trying not to be.
It started for me when I was unable to breastfeed. On day 3 of Kendall's life I saw little orange crystals in her diaper and thanks to Dr Google I was afraid it was from dehydration. Then in the same day I started seeing yellow in the whites of her eyes and her face and neck appeared to be yellowing. I was in a lot of pain from breastfeeding and I was just getting really down.
When we went to her first pediatric appointment on day 5 of her life Dr Wilkinson confirmed that she was indeed jaundiced, had been dehydrated (the crystals were from dehydration), and she had lost 11oz which was 9% of her birth weight. After that appointment I cried all day.
That evening I decided to give up on breastfeeding because my baby was not doing well with it. Did I give up too soon? Maybe. But it was the right thing to do.
After deciding to give her formula we realized we had no idea what to give her, how much, or how often. Since I was going to breastfeed my hospital didn't talk about formula one time with me. So I called my amazing sister-in-law, Kelli, who came over to calm me and help me at 9pm.
I assumed after we got the feeding thing all figured out that my "baby blues" would begin to fade. But they didn't. The symptoms got worse. I called my doctor who quickly put me back on the medication I was on for anxiety before pregnancy.
I have been on the medication for 10 days now and have seen zero improvement. In fact, symptoms are worse now than before the medicine. I feel inadequate because I can't put my baby back to sleep after her nighttime feeding, she fights me to eat (she will hold the bottle in her mouth and then gag on the formula that's dripped out, she'll jerk her head around and grunt), but she doesn't do that with Josh or my mother-in-law, or my mom.
I was told by some friends that she is feeding off my anxiety and tension. She is acting this way to me because she can feel that I am tense and anxious.
I have had some friends who had ppd and they didn't seek help for months. Watching them go through that was awful. I knew that if I had ppd symptoms I would seek help immediately, and I did. The fact that the help I've received isn't working is so upsetting, because I'm trying so hard to fix this. And I'll keep trying until we have it fixed, because my baby needs me 100% and healthy.
If you know someone who is experiencing ppd don't judge them for it. It's a natural part of the pregnancy journey for some. If you are experiencing ppd don't be ashamed. Seek help and get well. If for nothing else, get well for your baby!
