12 Weeks Later...

12 weeks ago today we lost our baby. July 17th, 2012 was, to date, the worst day of our lives. We were stripped of our first baby, our experience to be parents, and the innocence we had. We miss that sweet baby every day. We think about him, the person he would be, the way he would look, very often.

Now, just 12 short weeks later, I am 10 weeks pregnant. (I will be further along by the time I post this. This is as of October 8, 2012). Right after we decided to give it a break and wait a while before we tried to have a kiddo again, God had other plans for us and this sweet baby. I actually had NO idea I was pregnant until August 28th, 2012 when I happened to take a pregnancy test after getting positive OPKs for 8 days straight. Much to my surprise, it was *very* positive. So were the other 5 tests I took that week.

I called my doctor in complete shock, and told them I had gotten multiple positive tests. I went in that afternoon for a HCG quant. My numbers came back at 268, then less than two days later it was 575. After that second draw, I started spotting. My doctor did another quant a few days later and it was 4075. I was put on casual bedrest and told to wait until September 25th and if the pregnancy was viable we would find out then.

We had no way of knowing how far along I was, because after I had the D&C my cycle was so messed up we weren't really sure when my LMP was. I called the doctor and begged to have an ultrasound done sooner, as I couldn't mentally wait that long. The fact that I was pregnant at all, is quite a miracle. Because with a D&C they scrape the lining completely clean. That means there should have been nothing for that little baby to implant to and hang on to.

I went in for an ultrasound on September 4th, 2012. Baby was measuring 5w1d. There was a gestational sac and a yolk sac. No fetal pole yet. The doctor called me that evening and told me everything was there except for a heartbeat. She said if we had waited just a few days longer, we could have picked up the heartbeat. She scheduled me for another scan a week later.

On September 12, I went back in for another ultrasound. I was terrified. I just knew there would be no heartbeat. When they brought that tiny little baby up on the screen, the tech said, "There's baby....and there's the heart beat!" I cried. I cried with tears of joy, tears of relief, and tears of guilt. Josh just held my hand and watched that screen. Baby's heart rate was 120bpm. That night, Dr. Collins called me and said everything looked perfect and all was measuring perfect. She wanted to see me back in a week for my first prenatal appointment.

On September 17, Josh and I drove up to Fayetteville to see Dr. Collins for my first official appointment. I wasn't really expecting another ultrasound, but I sure was happy to get one! She brought baby up on the screen and the development over one week was absolutely amazing! You could make out baby's little body, head, and legs. The heart beat was flickering away so fast!! She flipped the sound on and we heard that heartbeat loud and clear at 154bpm. I cried, again :) She said baby was measuring between 7w2d and 7w3d. That was 1 or 2 days ahead!! Grow, baby, grow!!

I am now waiting for my 11 week appointment to come around. I go back to see Dr. Collins again on Monday, October 15th.

I actually found the baby's heart beat on my doppler today (Tuesday, October 7, 2012) at 10w2d :) It was a approximately 170bpm :) I recorded it and texted it to Josh. He was so happy to hear it!

EDIT:I started spotting again last night (10-10-12) Called my doc first thing that morning and they had me come in for an ultrasound. Baby is measuring 4 days ahead making measurements 11w1d instead of 10w4d :) That puts my due date at May 1, 2013. Heart rate was 167bpm. Baby was wiggling around, dancing, waving, kicking. It was precious. Here's a great picture of our little Milo :)

Here is one more baby picture and a few fun announcement photos!!

Anyway, all this to bring you up to date and get it out of my head. Unfortunately, I won't be posting this blog until closer to 13 weeks. We are waiting to announce this pregnancy for a while. Not because we are afraid of another miscarriage and having to tell everyone about it. Because I would still tell everyone about it. But, just because we are more comfortable waiting a while.

We are so excited to welcome this little life into our lives, but we could never replace our Otis. He was our first baby. He will always be our little Otis. We will never forget him. We will never stop celebrating and remembering his little life. We will incorporate his life into the lives of our future children.

Edited to add- It is now 14 & 1/2 weeks later and I am 12 weeks and 5 days pregnant :) Measuring 4 days ahead. Due date is Cinco De Mayo!! 5/5/2013 :)