Let me elaborate :)

A few weeks ago, right after we suffered the loss of our Otis, I blogged a post on "What not to say to a woman suffering a miscarriage." I still stand firm on that post. If you missed it please read it here. Anyway, after a few weeks have passed, I feel the need to elaborate on why some of those cliche phrases are not appropriate. And I want to give credit for some of these to a friend in a support group, Tabitha, thanks for helping me express these thoughts!

The first one I'd like to address is "It wasn't meant to be." or "Everything happens for a reason." That doesn't make us feel better at all. In fact, it really takes away our right to grieve properly. If you're saying that my baby wasn't meant to be, but all the unwanted babies, or all the babies born to women who get them taken away, or all the babies who are killed by abortion each year were "meant to be" or those women were "meant to keep their babies", you are absurd. You don't get to think or say that my baby wasn't "meant to be." If he wasn't meant to be, God would not have given me that positive pregnancy test or those 14 weeks of pregnancy. My baby was here for his short life, and he had an agenda. We don't know what it was now, we may not ever know, but he did.

The next one, which I think I left out of my post, is "He's in a better place." While I'm glad he's with God and his cousins, there will never be a moment where I think he is in a better place. There is no place better for a baby than with his mama and daddy. No matter how strong my walk with God is or will ever be, I will always want Otis here with us. I am grateful I have a God to take care of him in Heaven, but he should still be here with me. End of story.

The next one, "You can always have another". You should NEVER say this to anyone who has suffered the loss of a child. You don't have any idea that I can successfully get pregnant again. You don't have any idea that I can carry a child to live, IF I can get pregnant. Just because someone is able to get pregnant once, does NOT automatically mean it will be cake the next go round. So, unless you have some sort of crystal ball and know without a doubt I'll get pregnant and get to bring a healthy baby home from the hospital one day, don't say this to me.

The last one I want to elaborate on is "It's time to move on". Where should I begin? First, you don't get to decide when my grief is expired. You don't get to say when enough is enough. This was not your child. Your child is still here, living, on earth. You see, I have every right to mourn the loss of my baby, the loss of life for my baby. Why you ask? Because when you lose a child you lose the past, the present, and the future. Not only for myself and Josh, but for this baby. So in all reality, I have a lifetime of mourning and grief left to do. The phrase "dwelling on the past" has no place in this subject of life.

I think that about sums it up :)
Happy Thursday, friends.