On a decent day :)

I've posted all about the bad days I've had, because that's mostly all I've had since July 14th. But, I thought I would post about today, since it's been a comparatively decent day :)

I woke up to my silly puppy and my smiling Hubbs, couldn't really complain about that! I know that in the past 27 days I have become increasingly grateful for the man God blessed me with. I would not want to experience any of this life without him! 

I had a post op doctor's appointment today that I have been dreading for two weeks. I have been so terrified of walking in that office and seeing all those happy, big pregnant women. Just knowing they get to see their sweet little babies on that ultrasound, with a beating heart, has been giving me anxiety attacks. Lucky for me, there were only two visibly pregnant women in that waiting room, and my mama kept me busy on the phone while I was in the waiting room. The appointment went well. As well as expected, I suppose. She just checked me, said I was healing great, asked me how I was doing (dumb question), discussed the visit with the specialist, and said they will wait to hear from me when we get pregnant. She gave us the all-clear, which is good because we kinda thought we already had the all-clear! Lol!

After my appointment, Josh told me to go treat myself to a pedicure. You know I took him up on that offer REAL quick! ;-) Anyway, I went to my regular salon and got all comfortable in my massaging chair with my feet all up in that hot water. The girl I was sitting next to starts telling the salon tech ALLLLLLL about her being pregnant with her third kid, it's a girl named Emma, she's due October 30th, she's gained 17 pounds, she is craving Taco Bell right now....Really? Ok, haha, joke's on me, I've been punked, you can leave now. I came awfully close to slapping her pregnant butt right up-side the head. But, I contained myself. I did everything I could not to burst into tears, because I was jealous, I was mad, I was sad I wouldn't get to talk about any of that stuff...Thank God for Heather, because she helped me see the light with my situation. This girl is sitting here all happy and pregnant, talking about it like no one else is in this salon but her. All the while, she's sitting next to a woman who just lost her baby at almost 15 weeks pregnant. You just never know what the person sitting next to you is going through.

All this, just to say this is the first time I've really been able to handle a situation like this without having a full-on anxiety attack and having to crawl under the covers for the day. I can honestly say, I'm healing. In my own time, in my own way. But, I'm healing. It may not be as fast as you'd like, or the way you'd like to see someone heal. But then again, have you lost a child? The people that have never had an experience like this don't like the way or the time-frame I'm healing. The ones who keep telling me there is no time-line for grief, there is no guide on "How to get over it", those are the people who have felt a grief and a pain like this. And to all of you who are supporting me in my process, thank you. I love each and every one of you. To those who have been praying for me, thank you, because I finally had a good day, with no anxiety attacks or breakdowns, and I can acknowledge and reflect on today as a good day! 

Happy Weekend :)